attachment parenting: my thoughts....

i've been reading alot about attachment parenting recently.  there are so many "green and crunchy" mommies out there that call themselves an "attachment-parenting" mom.  so i wanted in.... ok, not really, because honestly - i'm passed the point in my life where i strive to be "different", "unique", or go against the general grain.  i really just wanted to know what all the hype was.

so i read a few sites that came up in my search for "attachment parenting."  mostly wikipedia and some links out of that site.  if you want my humble opinion (well, you did come to my blog), "attachment parenting" seems to be a fancy name for good parenting.  the so-called father of the attachment parenting theory, dr. william sears, has eight specific principles that parents should strive for in order to create a secure bond with their child.

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

now, i won't bore you by breaking down each and every proponent, but i feel like for a mother like myself, this amounts to a big load of dookey.  for my relationship with my daughter, you can go ahead and cross off number one with a fat, black sharpie.  amelia was a big SURPRISE!  she didn't come at a perfect time for us, caleb was headed of to iraq for his fifth time and i was headed cross-country to live with my parents in oregon.  sorry, dr. sears - definitely didn't plan for my adorable daughter!

number two also speaks volumes to me.  feed with love and respect.  amelia is extremely independent as of late and we no longer spoon feed her anything.  at the tender age of eight months, she enjoys gnawing on a nice chunk of steak or smooshing peas in her hand that had previously been part of a food fight with daddy.  i'm sure that some of the holier-than-thou attachment-parenting moms out there would highly frown upon food fights, especially in public.  i can neither confirm nor deny that has ever happened in my family....

{not the most flattering....}

so as a batch remark for number 3 through 8 - is this not what being a good parent is, essentially?  responding when your child needs you and understanding that need, keeping baby safe no matter what (more so than just safe sleeping, SIDS is not the only cause of death in babies), striving for balance in your own life is what can really break the bank on being a fit parent.

so, as i continued reading, i came across what others seem to think attachment parenting really is.  many families choose to live naturally, to include (but not limited to):  natural and/or home birth, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, homeschooling, unschooling (what the heck is this anyway?), natural health, baby wearing, etc.

the above proponents of family life are great, in and of themselves, but guess what? that's not how dr. sears defines attachment parenting.  so you can babywear and co-sleep all you want, but if you aren't adhering to the eight basic principles outlined above, you're probably falsely wearing the title.  sorry to burst your bubble, folks.

so enough of that.  my overall opinion.... just be a parent, it's natural and fun.  let you baby learn on his or her own, it's healthy for your little one to become frustrated every now and then so that they can learn on their own.  are you planning on tagging along to every day of kindergarten so that if they fall on the playground or someone steals their play dough you are there to wipe every tear?  are you planning on being their roommate in college so that they don't have to make their own decisions?  while these statements may seem a bit drastic, if you are looking at the big picture, they are totally in-line with what i'm talking about here.  i let amelia cry herself to sleep in her crib at naptime because one, she needs to learn to sleep on her own (without pillows stuffing her in place) and two, i need a shower.  i let amelia fuss on her own if she can't figure out how to disentangle herself from under the dining room chair that just became a jungle gym because i've seen her do it before and she is only fussing because she thinks i will push the "easy button" for her.

i have an awesome, strong, sensitive bond with my daughter.  we set boundaries that are age appropriate, not out of meanness, but out of love.  i am ridiculously attached to my daughter, but i'm not willing to go the extra mile and call myself an "attachment parenting" mom.  i'm a good mom, and that's enough in my book.

as a disclaimer (how often do i have these on my posts.... too often, really):  i am not bashing babywearing, co-sleeping breastfeeders at all, so please don't think that.  i'm simply expressing my opinion that motherhood has become way too much of a competition by adding mommy titles that seem somewhat unnecessary.  your way of mothering works for you and is perfect for you little one.  however, because i push my formula fed baby around in her combi stroller after a nap in her own bed (in a different room, no less) does not mean that i am any less of a mother than you.

a few more posts like this and someone is bound to take a sledgehammer to my soapbox.