thankful thursday....

{a disclaimer:}

this is my soapbox post of the week.

today i am thankful. ok, everyday i am thankful. i have so many blessings: my wonderful husband, my adorable daughter, a non-leaking roof over our heads, a plethora of couponed-snacks and foods filling our pantry and freezer, a webcam to talk to my parents who live 3,000 miles away, a car that runs (on a good day). but today, i want to explain why i am thankful for formula.

*gasp*

yes, i am immensly thankful for the sour smell of the powdered alternative to breastmilk in a can. and let me tell you why. after amelia was born, caleb and i spent countless hours trying different breast pumps to bring in my supply of milk over the first couple of weeks. amelia had a hard time with thrusting her tongue and couldn't quite latch on. we tried a nipple shield, we tried manual and electronic/battery powered pumps, we tried alot of things. but after amelia's first precious days of life, we quickly realized that my quickly diminishing supply of colostrum was all that i was able to produce. i was not going to be able to breastfeed my daughter.

Women's Healthcare Topics states that only 66% of women are able to breastfeed. I'm sure you will find so many other websites and forums that beg to differ, but it's the first site that came up in my research. It seems fairly accurate. It is not the norm to medically be unable to breastfeed, and I never thought I would fall on the wrong side of this statistic. I was heartbroken, I was exhausted and I was dry.... literally. Even my birth plan stated "absolutely no bottles" for baby Amelia, we were going to breastfeed exclusively. To this day, it still breaks my heart into a million pieces when I see my friends breastfeeding their children. I long for the closeness that they have, that special bond. Don't get me wrong, Amelia is my entire world and I feel so connected to her, she is such a special little child. I know we are two peas in a pod (maybe three.... Caleb needs to be in our pod!!) and I would not trade my life with Amelia for anything. But still....

I'm also thankful for formula because Caleb can play such an active roll in feeding our tiny child. Since we were in the hospital, he was able to begin establishing the integral role as a caring and nuturing father to Amelia by giving her a tiny special-needs feeder (due to tongue thrust) full of Similac so that she could be nourished and grow into the lovely almost-toddler that she is. I love watching the two of them sit together on the couch and eat together while watching television. I love the way that Amelia will often times stare up at Caleb while she has her bottle in her mouth. I love the way Caleb is so enthused to show me how she can almost hold her own bottle; she is getting so big!

Can I just be totally honest for a moment? And this is where my soapbox gets a little bigger.... I am, however, not thankful for those who think so poorly of formula and repeatedly bad mouth this alternative that some do not have the choice of making. I understand that there are some lazy parents that take this option and run with it because they "don't have time" or simply "don't want to" breastfeed. Yes, this is horrible. Yes, I, too, feel this is wrong. But for those of us who had no other option, who found that it was formula or nothing for our child, for those of us who wanted our child to be nourished one way or the other.... I wish you would kindly keep your mouth closed. Breastfeeding is the best option, breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, but breastfeeding was not an option for me or my family. And I would appreciate it if the next time you saw me preparing a bottle of formula with tap water and a shaker of Similac, you would smile, and know that above all, I am thankful for my growing child and that I am able to provide for her any way that I can.